..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize