These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
