in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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