dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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