Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We named our party play list daddy issues
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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