wanna go halves on a baby?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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