I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
