I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
