my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
