who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
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Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
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I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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