Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
