just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
