Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
