It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
