so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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