47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
