please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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