Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
