literally had 100 drinks last night.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
