I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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