Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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