R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
