Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
