We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
