it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
