You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
