what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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