Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You are a genius and a whore.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
