i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
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I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
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I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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