No stitches, just platelets and will power
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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