worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
