i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
