I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
