I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
