This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
