THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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