we have officially lost it.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
