I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
