Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
