I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
