So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
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I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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