youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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