hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
