I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
