What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
