Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
