5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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