I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you