HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant