my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014