nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
