It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
