If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
