He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
