The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
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Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
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I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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