No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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