the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
