my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
