I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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