I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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