I'll bet she douches with gravy.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
