Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
