I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
