Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
