Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My Higher Power is John Stamos
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
