You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
