So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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