Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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