I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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