3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She said her name was "party"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
