wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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