Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
