'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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