I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
zippers are such a cool invention
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
