I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
