wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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