worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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