Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
