Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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